spacefight

rating: 0+x

"Come on, Sixer. What about this isn't awesome?" laughed Johnny Steele as he slipped into his pilot's uniform.

"Oh, I don't know. The fact that a monster from goddamn outer space just ate goddamn Mars?" Sixer looked at Johnny with a look of worry.

"Worry is for people who don't get to fly an honest-to-goddamn X-wing to fight a monster in space."

"No, worry is exactly for those people. These are prototypes. And for legal reasons NOT X-wings."

Johnny tucked his helmet under his arm and laughed. "I cannot wait."


The group of thirty Foundation test pilots shuffled into the hanger. They were the best Earth had to offer, seasoned veterans of every make and model with careers spanning decades. And now, they were Earth's last hope. Johnny Steele placed his hand on the nose of the experimental Mark I Recon Fighter and shuddered.

"Sixer, I've literally never been more erect than I am right now. This is just such a RAW sexual thrill."

A quiet fell over the hanger as his words echoed across the somber space. Sixer looked over and stopped adjusting his helmet.

"Hey, Johnny. Why in God's name did you think that would be an okay thing to say?"

"Because it's true?"

"I'm gonna tell your wife you said that."

"And? She'll be happy for me. This like you being on the… BattleGate or whatever it's called."

"It's Battlestar and Stargate. And I'm a Firefly fan. For the tenth time today."

Johnny clicked his harness. "Okay, then imagine you're on the bridge of the Firefly and just wow. This is just like I always imagined."

"First of all, it's the Serenity. Second-" Sixer was cut off by the sound of Steele's engines roaring to life.


"Alright, Red Squadron. Can I call us Red Squadron?"

"No, Johnny. It's just me and you and we're already Oddball."

"Anyways, I've got a visual on the planet vorer."

"Please."

Suddenly, a voice crawled through the heads of the pilots. Unbelievably powerful and ancient, it echoed through their minds.

"Who dares to disturb the feast of the Devourer? You will not spare your world, for its time has passed."

"Do you think we can negotiate, Sixer?"

The voice boomed again. "No."

Johnny sighed, "Time for unrelenting and extreme violence. Now I'll never get rid of this erection."

"If this thing doesn't kill you, I swear to God I'm gonna frag you when it's over." crackled Sixer over the radio.


Of all the planets that Xarotocus the Devourer had consumed, Earth ranked amongst his favorites. So much pain, hate, and anger. There had been fear, at the end, but it soon subsided. He chuckled to himself, a deep, unholy sound. They'd put up such a fight, these humans, until he'd explained why he was there.

As he waited in the void of space in the light of the yellow star, he laughed again. Once the Earth passed unharmed through his digestive tract, he could move on.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License