corpsecon-conprocs-1

Recipe Number: SCP-XXXX

Ease of Preparation: Keter Safe

Special Cooking Procedures:

Growing up in rural Michigan, nothing blocked out the cold like a big bowl of Mama's special SCP-XXXX. Now some people would say there are a thousand and one ways to make SCP-XXXX, but they'd be worse off than the deer trapped beneath the ice. Here's my family's special recipe for SCP-XXXX!

• One lake in rural Michigan.
• One five-meter tall security fence.
• Two armed Guards.¹
• A dash of sound dampening equipment.

See? It's a pretty simple recipe all and all. Now there's just a couple of things to avoid when making this.

• Make sure to never step on the ice. No matter what that silly deer is doing, don't try and help him. He'll be fine.
• If you're not sharing a recipe, don't share it! That crazy old deer will hear you.
• No writing, unless it's a recipe. If he can't read the document, I promise he can't get out.
• Only use the second person. No first-person, no passive voice, no third person.

Simple and clean, isn't it? Now let's get cooking!

Footnotes

1. For freshness, make sure to switch these out frequently.